You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
