Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
