I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
