I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
