i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
