and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
