You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize