and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
