My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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