She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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