Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
