she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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