whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
