Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
