I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cannot find my penis.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize