I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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