I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
