I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
