Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
