so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
