i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
