i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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