Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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