is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
