i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
