evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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