I want to make a zoo with you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize