I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
