How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
