I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked a lego.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just gargled with NyQuil
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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