When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
