Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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