He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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