$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize