You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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