So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
