he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
