just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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