im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
