Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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