They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
