I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
