I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
