ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
