Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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