Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
