just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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