I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
