man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
