i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
