when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
