I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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