Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
