Kiss
Puke
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize