Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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