he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
