Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
