everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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