just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You made out with two different species that night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
