So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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