So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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