My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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