He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
