Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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