Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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