You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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