you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
