i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you win again, gameday.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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