your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
