like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
