I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
