Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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