he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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