I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
