We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we're so committed to being not committed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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