I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
