Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
