Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
