I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
