Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
