3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
